Skull Crusher Mountain
by Madame Seabush
Summary: The Master has randomly kidnapped The Doctor and has him on Skull Crusher Mountain. Song Inspired. Skull Crusher Mountain by Jonathan Coulton. Semi-Crack. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**; The Master has randomly kidnapped The Doctor, and has him on Skull Crusher Mountain. Song Inspired [Skull Crusher Mountain by Jonathan Coulton]. Innocent fun courtesy of my deranged brain.

**Author Notes**; Yep, all dialogue is either directly taken from the lyrics and is written as is or tweaked slightly (so...if you're wondering why you're reading it to a tune or you're just disgusted by how OOC it appears to be, that's why). I've decided to upload each stanza in different chapters because...believe it or not, it's hard to blend it into one (I know! What kind of writer am I!?) - so, I guess it's snapshots of the Doctors stay there. Also... you've probably started to see the pattern in my stories - what with the Doctor tied up in all of them so far. I don't know where that's coming from but I apologize xD R&R appreciated.

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**Skull Crusher Mountain**

"Welcome to my lair on Skull Crusher Mountain!" The Master announced as he made his way across the polished floor; arms open in invitation.

"I hope you've enjoyed your stay so far." The Master reached the table and sat beside the Doctor, who was being tended to by a rather strange looking beast, a rather anthropomorphic looking wolf species; not vicious or large enough to be mistaken for a werewolf but not small enough to be considered your average canine. Not that the Master cared all too much, he simply smiled at the Doctor – striking up conversation despite the fact he wouldn't receive a response.

"I see you've met my assistant, Scarface." He spoke casually, uncaring of the fact the Doctor looking back at him was sporting some rather fashionable duct tape across his mouth as well as matching rope, which was wrapped around each wrist and knotted to the armrests. "– his appearance is quite disturbing _but _I _can_ assure you he's harmless enough" Flashing a 'Saxon is Your Man' grin, before playing off the Doctors expression as Scarface bowed his head and headed away.

The Master gave a tight smile when the beast was out of earshot, "He's a sweetheart"

"Calls me Master" He wrinkled his nose and raised his shoulders in a mocking fashion.

He recieved no response other than a harsh gaze from his prisoner,

This only encouraged him, of course. And as he looked upon the Doctor with consideration – he couldn't help but move forward, "And he _does _have a way of finding pretty things… and bringing them to me." Flashing a devil may care grin, he ruffled the Doctors hair.

The Doctor winced under the bizzare, out of place affection despite it going completely unnoticed by his captor.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note**; Firstly, yes, I skipped some lyrics - but... if you had suffered the amount of brain damage I did trying to make it work, you'd abandon it, too! Lmao. SO! Onward my valiant steed! LOL, get it? cause...the valiant on the series? and...a steed? as... as in a pony? -.- oh, nevermind.

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The Master wet his lips and took a slightly deeper breath in deliberation before speaking,

"I get the feeling you don't like it." He said, sparing the Time Lord a brief glance when he heard the muffled noises he was making behind the tape,

"What's with all the screaming?" Exasperated, he ripped the tape from the Timelords mouth,

only to be met by the Doctors' usual reprimand.

"You can't just start hacking animals to pieces and stitching them back together!"

Boredom etched his features, "Clearly I can."

"It's inhumane!" Distress.

A smug smirk spread across his lips, "Well, it's a good thing I'm not humane then, isn't it Doctor?"

The Doctor opened his mouth to retort but was silenced by the return of his gag.

Silence returned and the absence of the others berating gave him time to reflect as he observed his creation. "You like monkeys… you like ponies." He paused mid-sentence – confidence fading as he considered it, pursing his lips. "...Maybe you don't like monsters so much."

Clicking his tongue, he surveyed the creature in front of him as it gave a screechy whinny, the sound of its hoof (yes, it only had the one) clip clopping on the linoleum. "…maybe I used too many monkeys." He whispered quietly to himself, tilting his head slightly as if trying to get the whole image in.

Dark eyes searched the creature for some sign as to where he had gone wrong but he couldn't say he could see any. The 'monster' was a model of perfection, mostly monkey with just a hint of pony. It could gallop _and_ hang from trees. What was there to hate?

After a good moment of contemplation; he pirouetted to face the Doctor – palms on the desk as he bowed his head down and up to face him to gain his attention. "Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a perfectly healthy pony… making a gift for you?" He inquired, brow raised.

"Really Doctor, sometimes you can be so selfish." He crooned; his features contorting into an exaggerated hurt.

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End file.
